Sunshine Smile

Publishes in Al Mar’a Magazine
Sultanate of Oman

I can not recall where this story begins…But I somehow have heard it long long time…Comes to me as a tale which have rooted itself deep inside my soul….In the land of Japan and once upon time there was this lady, who made sure to wake up early every morning to great her town people with a smile. She also did the same when everyone returns from long day of harvesting and work. Again welcoming her people with a smile. A daily ritual that begins presenting nothing else but a smile to the people of her town and continued to do so for many years.

Then that face was no longer standing smiling with the first ray of sunlight. In fact her gentle smile was the ray of sunlight that energized each of who got a glimpse of her. It felt more than that, like her smile transmitted Love-energy which had a harmonizing effect.

The days started to crawl in silence and emptiness, naturally the town people noticed that she is no longer gifting the town with her smile. On asking about her, they got to know that she has been taken ill. To those who have visited her were able to witness the remarkable altitude of her persona. On her tiny bed she lied their with her pale face, a feather with her tiny fragile body. Though she was ill she took on her to smile and strangely enough, she had one thing which she held tight to her a little note-book from time to time she will open and then will carry on smiling. No one knew what was written in her book till she died, that is when they gathered the courage to look. The book had just empty pages and on the first page there was only a line of three words “Remember to smile”

The moral of the sorty have so ever lingered in me, one of the simpliest fact that smiling takes only about 16 muscles. Some scientists believe that laughter can help immensely in reducing anger and other stress elements. In addition some scientists believe that the action of smiling releases chemicals in our body that not only make us feel good, they help us stay healthy too. Some even takes us to the length that those who are smiling usually have better smooth skin than those who don't, because such people use 40 facial muscles every time they frown.

So the Arbic saying “laugh and life will laugh back at you” with the phenomenon of "laughing clubs" which are spreading around the world had started from India which as one of therapies to remain healthier and happier. How does laughter starts? it all begins with a smile.

More dose of smiling with more facts:
Research by the French Physiologist Dr Israel Waynbaum whose research indicated that facial muscles used for smiling, showing anger, disgust etc, all trigger different chemicals in the brain. Smiling, he believed affects these hormones positively whereas all the other expressions have a negative effect. Recent research has confirmed Waynbaum's original research. How often do you smile? Research has found that four-year-old children smile and laugh about 400 times a day while for adults smiles and laughter decrease to only 14 times a day. Four-year-olds are often joyous, and adults are not. Adults loose the sense of humor and laughter in the process of being serious. The benefits of smiling and laughing have been summarized to the following:

1. Lowering levels of the stress hormone, cortisol
2.Reducing blood pressure
3. Boosting the immune system
4. Improving respiration and circulation
5. Reducing pain
6. Reducing depression and improving mood
So when ever life or people put you down, rush out towards your smiling kit to splash yourself with this self therapy and try out the following smiling exercise, a remedy from www.care2.com

The Inward Smile

Sit comfortably with the back erect and the feet firmly in contact with the floor. Close your eyes to screen out any external distractions. Relax the mouth and allow it to form into a smile. Now you are going to turn that smile inward, and into yourself—into your Hidden Self.

Direct that smile into your eyes. It is not a matter of attempting to create a visual image of the eyes in your mind, but rather of moving your awareness into your eyes. So put your attention into your eyes, and imagine that smile shining out to absorb everything in its harmonizing energy. Then switch your attention to your face and jaws. Imagine the warm glow of your smile smoothing out any wrinkles in your face and releasing the tension in your jaws. Then move your awareness to the throat and neck, and concentrate your smile on that part of your body.

Next, turn your attention to your chest and lungs and smile on them, too. Then let your heart bask in your smile, and with every heart-beat feel it pumping Love-energy to every cell in your being.

Move your attention then to the abdomen. Smile on your liver and smile on your kidneys. Now to the base of the spine; move your attention slowly up the spine and into the head, smiling as you go.

Finally, move down to the navel, where a central control centre is located just beneath the surface. It is the point from which you were first knitted together as a human being. It is the point at which you are connected with the Cosmic Web, and with everything else in existence. So smile into your navel.
Your whole being should now feel aglow. You have a pleasant sensation of well-being –not only of being healthy, but that all is well with the world. That is the transforming power of the inward smile!
Open your eyes, but retain that smile.

Practice this inward smile

first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Perform it several times during the day. It can be done almost anywhere—on a bus or train, in the car on the way to and from work, and during meal breaks and quiet times. Best of all, perform it before facing any problematical, difficult or traumatic situation. Your Hidden Self will respond positively.

The smiling therapy had tremendously energized me and had taken me through hard times and by sharing it here with hope that it will provide a dose of immunity against the turmoil of life. Begin your day with the smiling sunshine, you will find out that it empowers you.

The Cry of Silence

Published in Al Mara'a Magazine

Sultanate of Oman

Issues of violence takes major priority in the agenda of Human International Rights and one of the highlights violence against women whether trafficking in women and girls, rape, wife abuse, sexual abuse of children, and harmful cultural practices and traditions that irreparably damage girls’ and women’s reproductive and sexual health. In 1999 UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, stated that Violence against women is possibly the most shameful human rights violation. It does not exclude certain boundaries of geography, culture, or wealth. Our topic here is to bring forward the issue of Wife Abuse, though it is not a new concern. Gender-based violence is an universal issue and it is so widespread. The word battered women came in to highlight in every Arab household, when the international and Arab media focused on Rania Al-Baz, a Saudi TV presenter who was brutally assaulted by her husband in 2004.

According to thematic studies by Lisa Hajjar on Domestic Violence she states that it is one of the difficult issues to study reason of shortage of reliable information. Taking in accounts: the inability or disinclination of victims to report violence; refusal or failure of authorities to document reports and/or make reports publicly available; and official and/or social acceptance of certain forms and degrees of intra-family violence. As a result the quality and availability of information about domestic violence varies, from non-existent to incomplete. This is does not include Muslim societies but virtually everywhere.

The first question comes to mind what is abuse or violence? The United Nations Declaration on Violence Against Women have defined it :"Any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivations of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life".

Abuse is not only underlined on physical abuse but it includes emotional and mental abuse. It reaches to being verbal threats to divorce the wife, to remarry, or to take the kids away if she does not do exactly as she is told; intimidation and threats of harm; degradation, humiliation, insults, ridicule, name-calling, extreme jealousy and possessiveness; and denying the access of money. Some do argue to the point of the seriousness of mental abuse, rationalizing it as a petty argument between the couple, and saying it's not serious unless he hits her. In contrary, mental abuse does severe psychological harm to the women. One foremost destroys her self-esteem and makes her question their self-worth; even it can lead to a mental breakdown.

Cases of abuse in many parts of the world many goes and continues being unreported. Compounding the abuse is the culture of silence around domestic violence. Many assaulted women simply would don't seek out help. Fear steps in avoiding the possibility that if their situation becomes public they will lose their privacy because of the intense gossip, such gossips will bring shame to the family as for the eastern life emphasis that family is centered in the marriage as one whole unity of the family and not as separate individuals, fear the abusers will increase their hostility when the negative publicity gets back to them. Furthermore, they remain silent because of lack of confidence in themselves and believe that they somehow deserve the abuse. Abused women also keep quiet out of a feeling of hopelessness and a belief that no one will help them, out of financial dependence on their husbands, out of a desire to keep homes together for the children's sake and the idea of divorce or separation may seem selfishness, or out of love for the abusive husbands. Others women accept the abuse as a fact of life and learn to live with it.

Finding out if there is direct law that specifically deals in the matter of domestic violence against women in Oman; meeting with Mohammed Salim Al Kiyumi, Advocate from Mohammed Salim Al Kiyumi Legal Consultancy and Advocacy Office, he discussed the assault against Women. He stated that the Omani laws are sourced from Shari’a, customs and International laws have taken the issue of violence against women. In this regard article 101 of personal status law stipulated that couples might, if life becomes miserable between them, resort to divorce option. Moreover the judge might pass a judgment for a divorce of the couple, in case all the reconciliation effort seems inapplicable. Also the abused woman may apply for compensation if the assault resulted in any disabilities. The courts may imprison the Husband as a penalty for his abusive felony.

Also giving insights on Shari’a laws he stated that it forbids violence. Tragically, some actually use Shari’a to "rationalize" their abusive behavior. Focusing on rituals, considering themselves to be knowledgeable, and disregarding the spirit of Islamic teachings, and wrongly use the Islamic directions that says men are the protectors and maintainers of women. Instead impose dominance, use of power trips, demand total obedience, and order their wives around disregarding the Islamic requirement for the head of the household to consult with other members of the family when making decisions. Then, if their wives dare to speak up or question their orders, these men misinterpret a Qur'anic verse that talks about how to treat a disobedient wife and use it as a license for abuse. In reality, the Shari’a provides clear instructions on what procedures a husband must use in conflict situations where the husband is innocent and the wife is rebellious and at fault. The first step is a peaceful discussion between the two of them about the problem and solutions. This is intended to soften hearts and eliminate misunderstandings. If this doesn't work, the next step is for the husband to tell his wife his expectations in a firm, decisive manner. If the rebelliousness and disobedience continues, the husband is supposed to leave the bed, which is really a punishment for both of them for not being able to resolve their differences. If that fails to solve the problem, representatives of both sides meet to try and arbitrate. As a last resort, if he thinks it will prevent divorce by letting the wife know how serious he is, the husband can use a light slap on the hand or shoulder but not on any other part of the body, and it shouldn't leave a mark or scar. Anything beyond this is Islamically prohibited. This procedure is to be followed _only_ when the wife is the cause of a serious problem and the husband is innocent, compassionate, and well-behaved. If the husband is the cause of the problem, he has _no right_ to do any of this.

Ending his discussion on wife abuse approached the subject of having programs for abused women or even to protect women against violence where a specialized office takes upon its responsibilities to guide and counsel couples and diminishing violence.

Some Gulf Countries Cooperation (GCC) have preceded in providing shelters for battered women for an examples Bahrain and a Women Shelter in United Arab Emirates such shelter is available helping women and children whose lives have been devastated by abuse.


The woman in shelter in United Arab Emirates is run by 3 Muslim women helping women in trouble. Sharla Musabah, Margaret Alia Grieny and Lina Mustafa all are UAE national who behind this humanitarian venture. Facing the challenges in opening sanctuary for abused women and by providing a special shelter that indeed gave a refuge for more than 50 women who did seek the shelter. Sharla stated that Women seek shelter for many reason either fleeing from a violent situation, some facing financial difficulties and even some for converting to Islam against the family consent are facing condemnation. It is about working together with the UAE Police’s human rights Department in aiding women in need as affirmed by Sharla. The policy is women in need would not be turned away for the lack of space yet they have to have a legitimate reason to stay in the shelter. The shelter is in a villa located in Jumeiareh in Dubai and can accommodate 30 women.

Where does it end?

Few suggestion is women need to improve their knowledge. Be aware on what is the abuse and giving no allowance for them to be victimized or abused. The empowerment of woman gives the look to consider her choices she will resort to escape from Domestic violence situation. For instance it has been shown if a woman is employed and live independent then the chance to live in a Domestic Violence is less.

The courage to seek help not only on a family circle but when family intervention deemed not to succeeded, it is vital to reach out to the authorities concerned in this matter. Not to be ashamed to cry out for help or even to report to police

Families need to maintain open lines of communication between all of their members; regular family meetings where everyone is allowed to express themselves without any recriminations are helpful. Marriage must be seen as a partnership, and marriage contracts should specify a commitment to an abuse, free and violence-free family.

Family members should be encouraged to engage themselves in activities like exercise or sports. Helping to laminate frustration and stress.