The Cry of Silence

Published in Al Mara'a Magazine

Sultanate of Oman

Issues of violence takes major priority in the agenda of Human International Rights and one of the highlights violence against women whether trafficking in women and girls, rape, wife abuse, sexual abuse of children, and harmful cultural practices and traditions that irreparably damage girls’ and women’s reproductive and sexual health. In 1999 UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, stated that Violence against women is possibly the most shameful human rights violation. It does not exclude certain boundaries of geography, culture, or wealth. Our topic here is to bring forward the issue of Wife Abuse, though it is not a new concern. Gender-based violence is an universal issue and it is so widespread. The word battered women came in to highlight in every Arab household, when the international and Arab media focused on Rania Al-Baz, a Saudi TV presenter who was brutally assaulted by her husband in 2004.

According to thematic studies by Lisa Hajjar on Domestic Violence she states that it is one of the difficult issues to study reason of shortage of reliable information. Taking in accounts: the inability or disinclination of victims to report violence; refusal or failure of authorities to document reports and/or make reports publicly available; and official and/or social acceptance of certain forms and degrees of intra-family violence. As a result the quality and availability of information about domestic violence varies, from non-existent to incomplete. This is does not include Muslim societies but virtually everywhere.

The first question comes to mind what is abuse or violence? The United Nations Declaration on Violence Against Women have defined it :"Any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivations of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life".

Abuse is not only underlined on physical abuse but it includes emotional and mental abuse. It reaches to being verbal threats to divorce the wife, to remarry, or to take the kids away if she does not do exactly as she is told; intimidation and threats of harm; degradation, humiliation, insults, ridicule, name-calling, extreme jealousy and possessiveness; and denying the access of money. Some do argue to the point of the seriousness of mental abuse, rationalizing it as a petty argument between the couple, and saying it's not serious unless he hits her. In contrary, mental abuse does severe psychological harm to the women. One foremost destroys her self-esteem and makes her question their self-worth; even it can lead to a mental breakdown.

Cases of abuse in many parts of the world many goes and continues being unreported. Compounding the abuse is the culture of silence around domestic violence. Many assaulted women simply would don't seek out help. Fear steps in avoiding the possibility that if their situation becomes public they will lose their privacy because of the intense gossip, such gossips will bring shame to the family as for the eastern life emphasis that family is centered in the marriage as one whole unity of the family and not as separate individuals, fear the abusers will increase their hostility when the negative publicity gets back to them. Furthermore, they remain silent because of lack of confidence in themselves and believe that they somehow deserve the abuse. Abused women also keep quiet out of a feeling of hopelessness and a belief that no one will help them, out of financial dependence on their husbands, out of a desire to keep homes together for the children's sake and the idea of divorce or separation may seem selfishness, or out of love for the abusive husbands. Others women accept the abuse as a fact of life and learn to live with it.

Finding out if there is direct law that specifically deals in the matter of domestic violence against women in Oman; meeting with Mohammed Salim Al Kiyumi, Advocate from Mohammed Salim Al Kiyumi Legal Consultancy and Advocacy Office, he discussed the assault against Women. He stated that the Omani laws are sourced from Shari’a, customs and International laws have taken the issue of violence against women. In this regard article 101 of personal status law stipulated that couples might, if life becomes miserable between them, resort to divorce option. Moreover the judge might pass a judgment for a divorce of the couple, in case all the reconciliation effort seems inapplicable. Also the abused woman may apply for compensation if the assault resulted in any disabilities. The courts may imprison the Husband as a penalty for his abusive felony.

Also giving insights on Shari’a laws he stated that it forbids violence. Tragically, some actually use Shari’a to "rationalize" their abusive behavior. Focusing on rituals, considering themselves to be knowledgeable, and disregarding the spirit of Islamic teachings, and wrongly use the Islamic directions that says men are the protectors and maintainers of women. Instead impose dominance, use of power trips, demand total obedience, and order their wives around disregarding the Islamic requirement for the head of the household to consult with other members of the family when making decisions. Then, if their wives dare to speak up or question their orders, these men misinterpret a Qur'anic verse that talks about how to treat a disobedient wife and use it as a license for abuse. In reality, the Shari’a provides clear instructions on what procedures a husband must use in conflict situations where the husband is innocent and the wife is rebellious and at fault. The first step is a peaceful discussion between the two of them about the problem and solutions. This is intended to soften hearts and eliminate misunderstandings. If this doesn't work, the next step is for the husband to tell his wife his expectations in a firm, decisive manner. If the rebelliousness and disobedience continues, the husband is supposed to leave the bed, which is really a punishment for both of them for not being able to resolve their differences. If that fails to solve the problem, representatives of both sides meet to try and arbitrate. As a last resort, if he thinks it will prevent divorce by letting the wife know how serious he is, the husband can use a light slap on the hand or shoulder but not on any other part of the body, and it shouldn't leave a mark or scar. Anything beyond this is Islamically prohibited. This procedure is to be followed _only_ when the wife is the cause of a serious problem and the husband is innocent, compassionate, and well-behaved. If the husband is the cause of the problem, he has _no right_ to do any of this.

Ending his discussion on wife abuse approached the subject of having programs for abused women or even to protect women against violence where a specialized office takes upon its responsibilities to guide and counsel couples and diminishing violence.

Some Gulf Countries Cooperation (GCC) have preceded in providing shelters for battered women for an examples Bahrain and a Women Shelter in United Arab Emirates such shelter is available helping women and children whose lives have been devastated by abuse.


The woman in shelter in United Arab Emirates is run by 3 Muslim women helping women in trouble. Sharla Musabah, Margaret Alia Grieny and Lina Mustafa all are UAE national who behind this humanitarian venture. Facing the challenges in opening sanctuary for abused women and by providing a special shelter that indeed gave a refuge for more than 50 women who did seek the shelter. Sharla stated that Women seek shelter for many reason either fleeing from a violent situation, some facing financial difficulties and even some for converting to Islam against the family consent are facing condemnation. It is about working together with the UAE Police’s human rights Department in aiding women in need as affirmed by Sharla. The policy is women in need would not be turned away for the lack of space yet they have to have a legitimate reason to stay in the shelter. The shelter is in a villa located in Jumeiareh in Dubai and can accommodate 30 women.

Where does it end?

Few suggestion is women need to improve their knowledge. Be aware on what is the abuse and giving no allowance for them to be victimized or abused. The empowerment of woman gives the look to consider her choices she will resort to escape from Domestic violence situation. For instance it has been shown if a woman is employed and live independent then the chance to live in a Domestic Violence is less.

The courage to seek help not only on a family circle but when family intervention deemed not to succeeded, it is vital to reach out to the authorities concerned in this matter. Not to be ashamed to cry out for help or even to report to police

Families need to maintain open lines of communication between all of their members; regular family meetings where everyone is allowed to express themselves without any recriminations are helpful. Marriage must be seen as a partnership, and marriage contracts should specify a commitment to an abuse, free and violence-free family.

Family members should be encouraged to engage themselves in activities like exercise or sports. Helping to laminate frustration and stress.